Become enlightened; join BAMME

At the Baptist Ministry for the Materially Enlightened (BAMME) we are committed to your future, both within and beyond the mortal plane. It is our belief that it is only through a deep understanding of BAMME’s teachings that true salvation can be obtained, and that material enlightenment can translate into spiritual magnificence.

Free your mind, live beyond +0

According to our consecrated texts, our human existence is organised into seven elemental levels, or strata, each of which represents an ionic-concatenation within our core-psyche. Most people live their lives within just one of these strata, the irreal, and as a result are limited to a life of wage-earning subservience, utility bills and hardship. In other words, the daily grind of what we like to call a “+0 existence”.

This life probably seems familiar to you. But it needn’t do for much longer. Here at the Baptist Ministry for the Materially Enlightened we can help you move beyond the tiresome drudgery of your +0 existence. All that you hold to be so obdurately “real”—states like exhaustion, anxiety and stress; emotions like sadness, frustration and fear—are mere constructs of this base-level ionic stratum, and like all earthly constructs, they can be dismantled using the right tools.

We at the Baptist Ministry for the Materially Enlightened are committed to the facilitation of this life-enabling dismantlement, and Demystification Seminars are held on a monthly basis to ensure that all members of the Ministry obtain the highest possible levels of the Sigma-1 ME Integer—a numeric scale adopted specifically by BAMME to measure our members’ ionic plane progression.

Beyond Demystification there exists only spiritual wonder and plenitude. And as your Sigma-1 ME Integer continues to advance, from the irreal imprisonment of 0.1 through to the syncretic awe-bliss of 1.0—taking in paean, sonos, delphic, phasar and xanu levels along the way—all earthly concerns will dissipate into nothingness, and you shall achieve what is known in the Ministry as “Spiritual Abundance”.

Begin your new life. With us. Today.

In order to start your journey to Spiritual Abundance, all we at the Ministry require is an initial payment of £50—a trifling cost which enables us to register your membership details, provide a full itinerary of upcoming Demystification Seminars, and arrange an in-person interview through which your “cold” Sigma-1 ME integer level can be obtained. Further details concerning payment can be found here.

Is this really an opportunity you can afford to miss?

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