I wrote a number of weeks ago about bald Masterchef judge Gregg Wallace (who I write on an unusual amount, it seems) attracting a particularly high volume of sexually oriented Google search entries—’greg Wallace dungeon‘, for example, and ‘gregg wallace kerb crawler‘—and surmised that there may be a dedicated cabal of scandal-hunters constantly scouring the internet for traces of misdeed and mischief.
To end I imagined three (frankly hilarious) new scandals that might be next on their agenda:
Hmm … I wonder if there’s anything about Adrian Chiles’ reach-around hell? A Sooty and Sweep love-hotel, you say? I’d better check. And what’s that? Jamie Theakston has admitted he has a vagina growing on his arm? Well I’ll be!
And then today found this search term, ambitiously spelled, in the stats corner of my blog:
sex scandle sooty and sweep
Whatever this person was actually looking for, I hope they found it. Or at least I hope they found it on the internet and don’t have to seep out into the real world to get gratification.
And if there is an internet video featuring a teary and collared Sweep in a motel shower, with Sooty stood over him, wand in hand, dead eyed and squeaking, Matthew Corbett off with Sue in the adjacent bedroom, fumbling noisily under sick florescent lights …
… then I clearly haven’t been looking in the right places for it.