I wrote a number of weeks ago about bald Masterchef judge Gregg Wallace (who I write on an unusual amount, it seems) attracting a particularly high volume of sexually oriented Google search entries—’greg Wallace dungeon‘, for example, and ‘gregg wallace kerb crawler‘—and surmised that there may be a dedicated cabal of scandal-hunters constantly scouring the internet for traces of misdeed and mischief.

To end I imagined three (frankly hilarious) new scandals that might be next on their agenda:

Hmm … I wonder if there’s anything about Adrian Chiles’ reach-around hell? A Sooty and Sweep love-hotel, you say? I’d better check. And what’s that? Jamie Theakston has admitted he has a vagina growing on his arm? Well I’ll be!

And then today found this search term, ambitiously spelled, in the stats corner of my blog:

sex scandle sooty and sweep

Whatever this person was actually looking for, I hope they found it. Or at least I hope they found it on the internet and don’t have to seep out into the real world to get gratification.

And if there is an internet video featuring a teary and collared Sweep in a motel shower, with Sooty stood over him, wand in hand, dead eyed and squeaking, Matthew Corbett off with Sue in the adjacent bedroom, fumbling noisily under sick florescent lights …

… then I clearly haven’t been looking in the right places for it.



  1. matt · August 26, 2011

    Gr(egg) Wallace was on Shooting Stars last night, expressing genuine disbelief that any egg-cooking method would rank higher than ‘fried’ in a fabricated poll of egg-cooking methods. No mention of his sex-dungeon as far as I could see, but I didn’t watch the whole show.

  2. lefolly · August 26, 2011

    they probably edited it out. i’ve been watching the new series too. it’s okay, but it loses something without GD.

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